Tuesday, 1 December 2015
Day 1 again after a full Weekend
I took a mental health day yesterday from work. Usually I feel guilty for taking sick days, but this time I didn't. It was truly a break from all the unsettling emotions from the weekend. I could actually use a full week and that would only start to heal things. What is so very wrong that I need to heal so much? I went to the city for supplies, went to get some Dim Sum, oh so good. Came home and started the Zen room project. Pulled the white baseboards off, moved some furniture around. Now the walls are ready for filling cracks and re-painting in white. I'm going to add the wood trim that is already in the front of the house. Add some curtains. It's going to be my zen room. Maybe one plant in the corner, that's about it. Plain, empty and simple. I hope to practice yoga there, it will be my space. Eventually, we'll put the baby room there. A room with positive good intentions.
So today is Day #1 again. December 1st. Has a good ring to it doesn't it. Stopping drinking right before Christmas! That's a ballzy move if there ever was one. It does sound very peaceful though. Refreshing. I've already cancelled out of any work parties that there would be on the calendar to attend. There is only one party booked next weekend that I would have to try to get through. It would be pretty smooth sailing compared to most years. Why not then?
I have to work lots at the restaurant- perfect, it will keep me busy and make money
I could throw in some yoga at the studio- perfect, i'll have the extra money to spend on it that I usually drink up everyday.
You could loose a few pounds- this would be in hopes that it would be before the Dr's appointment in a couple weeks. She told us both to lose a few, when i say a few I really mean 10 lbs.
Speaking of Dr's appointments. I considered going to this one by myself. For the simple fact that I could cover up anything she said if she could happen to tell that I was drinking too much by the result of my blood tests. Wow, that's a mental thought. How could I think such a thing especially after going through the emotional fullness with hubby this weekend. After specifically telling him that we are doing this as a team. He needs the doctor's reassuring words to give him confidence, not the second hand words from me. Contradictory at its finest. Seems like everything to do with battling this drinking monster is contradictory. And Selfishness.
As I was about to end this post, I opened up another search tab reading "how to help me quit right now". There was a gentleman's quick and easy video explaining how to do it. It's as easy as saying to yourself, "You don't need this, anymore". Can it be that easy? Telling your mind, you just don't need this anymore? Mind over matter. At the end of the day, mind over matter. Surely your mind will listen?